Building a Marriage That Lasts: From What’s Breaking Others to What Binds You Together

“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, no person is to separate.”
— Matthew 19:6 

As a pastor who loves helping couples build strong, Christ-centered marriages, my heart in writing this is simple: to help you start your life together with clarity, unity, and conviction. Marriage is not merely a romantic partnership, it is a sacred covenant. It’s both beautiful and demanding, filled with joy and challenge. Many couples begin full of passion and promise, yet somewhere along the way, cracks begin to form, cracks that can often be prevented with prayerful intentionality.

Let’s take a step back and look honestly at what is causing so many marriages today to crumble...And then let’s reverse-engineer that reality. If we know why marriages fail, then we can intentionally build ours to endure.

Why So Many Marriages Fail: What Research and Experience Show

These are some of the leading causes of divorce in America today—patterns that show up again and again in counseling and research:

Root IssueWhy It Matters 

Lack of commitment Many approach marriage as an option, not a covenant. When hardship comes, they see exit rather than endurance.

Infidelity or betrayalBroken trust strikes at the heart of intimacy. Without honesty and repentance, healing is nearly impossible.

Poor communication and constant conflictUnresolved conflict turns to resentment. Couples stop listening and start keeping score.

Financial tensionDisagreement about money—how it’s earned, spent, or saved—often reflects deeper struggles over trust and priorities.

Loss of intimacyEmotional distance leads to physical distance, and eventually spiritual distance.

Unrealistic expectationsWhen “happily ever after” meets real life, disappointment often takes root.

Addiction and substance abuseAlcohol, drugs, or nicotine can all become substitutes for dealing with pain, eroding the relationship.

Imbalance and resentmentWhen one spouse feels unseen or overburdened, frustration builds silently.

Lack of spiritual foundationWithout Christ, there’s no enduring anchor for grace, humility, and forgiveness.

Almost all of these issues are connected. Poor communication leads to financial stress. Financial stress leads to bitterness. Bitterness leads to distance—and distance leads to temptation. The solution isn’t found in one fix but in

intentional, Christ-centered habits that reinforce love and unity every day.

How to Build a Marriage That Lasts

If we know what’s breaking marriages, then we can intentionally build habits that strengthen them.

1. Anchor Your Marriage in Christ

• Make your relationship with Jesus the center of your home.

• Pray together regularly, not just for meals or in crisis.

• View marriage as a spiritual calling, not a personal convenience.

2. Renew Your Commitment Often

• Revisit your vows together every year.

• Remind each other that your marriage is a covenant, not a contract.

• Persevere through challenges—growth happens through endurance.

3. Communicate With Grace and Truth

• Learn how your spouse receives correction, comfort, and affirmation.

• Avoid words that wound or escalate conflict.

• Listen more than you speak, and forgive quickly.

4. Handle Finances Together

• Be transparent—no hidden spending or secret accounts.

• Budget together, tithe faithfully, and agree on financial priorities.

• Remember: money is a tool, not a trophy.

5. Guard Your Health and Habits

• Talk openly about your convictions on alcohol, smoking, vaping, and nicotine use.

• Decide together what aligns with your values and your witness as believers.

• Be honest if these things ever become a temptation, coping mechanism, or source of tension.

• Care for your body and mind as good stewards of what God has given you.

6. Protect Intimacy

• Emotional closeness fuels physical closeness.

• Schedule time for each other—date nights, unplugged evenings, moments of laughter.

• Be intentional about affection and open communication about needs and desires.

7. Build Trust and Set Boundaries

• Avoid private or flirtatious communication with others.

• Establish guardrails for social media and friendships with the opposite sex.

• Be accountable—trust is earned daily through consistency.

8. Share Responsibilities

• Divide work fairly at home and in life.

• Encourage and appreciate each other’s efforts.

• Remember that serving each other is an act of love and worship.

9. Plan for Life’s Seasons and Storms

• Expect change—careers, children, health, finances—and face it as a team.

• Seek godly counsel when you feel stuck.

• When life gets hard, hold each other instead of holding grudges.

10. Adjust Expectations and Extend Grace

• Marriage won’t always meet every emotional need. Only Christ can.

• Let go of unrealistic ideals and lean into grace.

• Forgive freely, speak gently, and love persistently.

Reflective Questions for Engaged or Married Couples

These questions are meant to spark open and honest conversation. Take your time and pray as you go.

Spiritual Foundation

1. What do we believe marriage is ultimately for—our happiness or God’s glory?

2. How will we grow in faith together—through prayer, church, and daily devotions?

3. How do we respond when our spiritual convictions differ?

Commitment

4. What does “for better or worse” mean to us in real terms?

5. How will we remind each other of our vows when emotions run low?

Communication & Conflict

6. How do we each react when hurt or angry?

7. What communication habits do we need to change or strengthen?

8. How often will we intentionally check in emotionally?

Finances

9. How do we each view money, debt, and generosity?

10. How will we handle spending differences or financial pressure?

Health & Lifestyle

11. Will we drink socially, or not at all?

12. How do we feel about smoking, vaping, or nicotine pouches?

13. How will we support one another in physical and spiritual health?

Intimacy & Connection

14. What does affection look like for us day to day?

15. How will we keep our connection strong through busy or stressful seasons?

Boundaries & Trust

16. What boundaries are wise for friendships, work relationships, and social media?

17. How will we handle temptation or attraction if it arises?

Roles & Service

18. How can we divide responsibilities fairly at home?

19. How will we show gratitude for each other’s work and sacrifice?

Growth & Crisis

20. How will we navigate change, loss, or seasons of struggle?

21. When will we seek help—from mentors, pastors, or counselors?

Expectations & Grace

22. What expectations from our families or culture do we need to release?

23. How will we offer grace when one of us falls short?

24. How will we make sure our love continues to grow deeper each year?

Final Encouragement

Marriage is a covenant worth fighting for. It’s not about perfection—it’s about perseverance, humility, forgiveness, and faith.
Don’t wait for a crisis to work on your relationship. Choose to invest now—in prayer, patience, laughter, and love.

When conflict comes, fight for each other, not against each other. When failure happens, run to Christ, not away from Him. Let your home become a place where grace is practiced daily, and love never stops growing.

“Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”
— 1 Peter 4:8